Looking Back and Ahead

The New Year is a time when many people reflect on the year gone by and make resolutions to rectify the mistakes of the past in the year to come. At the start of this new year, I’ve been doing more than my fair share of each.

The year 2009 proved to be among the most challenging years of my life. While I’ve always been one prone to moments of introspection on the direction my life is taking, never before has soul-searching been a daily ritual. Being isolated from family and friends, living where even the few who understand your language differ so much in terms of life experiences and culture as to make empathy a near-impossibility (in either direction), means that one is often alone even in a room full of people.

For someone accustomed to succeeding, to at least some degree, in virtually every major academic and professional undertaking, repeated failure will almost unfailingly trigger thoughts of self-doubt and questions about whether one has chosen the right path. To say that I’ve failed on numerous occasions as a Peace Corps Volunteer is not to say that I have not accomplished anything of worth. I am quite proud of having helped my organization to obtain new books and computers for the library, to have introduced new productive farming techniques to dozens of people, and to have led a rock climbing and abseiling trip that, for many of the sixteen participating orphans and vulnerable youth, was one of the most exciting experiences of their young lives. Yet in the areas I’ve invested the most effort—conducting a community-wide needs survey, setting up a comprehensive data collection and evaluation system, launching a major agricultural income-generating project, scaling up the small community library into a well-connected information resource center—I’ve seen the least progress.

And while I would love to say that I’ve diagnosed the reasons underlying the disappointments from the past year and have pinpointed a fail-proof strategy to make 2010 a productive year, I’d be lying. I certainly have some ideas regarding how to become a more effective Volunteer in the months to come, but I cannot be assured that they’ll be much better than the dozens of other ideas I’ve already tried. If I’ve learned anything during my 11 months of Peace Corps service in South Africa, it’s to not confuse hope with expectations of success. Thus, while there are signs of more promising things to come, including some major organizational changes at Fanang Diatla and evidence of enthusiasm for new projects, I know that finding an appropriate role for my involvement will be neither straightforward nor effortless. All I can do is try, and hope.

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In addition to trying to improve my efforts for Goal 1 of the Peace Corps (building the capacity of host country nationals to meet development goals), I’ve also pledged as one of my New Year’s resolutions to post more frequently on my blog (part of Peace Corps’ Goal 3: to share our experiences in foreign lands with those back home).

So expect to see more frequent posts in the near future. You can also follow my regular updates on facebook if you're so inclined.

And, of course, Happy New Year!